my mother is fat....

[mirandalous]

hi, i am just asking for input?
i love my mother very much, we've been through alot together, i live with my boyfriend and my mom lives with my 17 year old brother who is a 'mama's boy'.
my sister used to live with them but she got sent away to live with her dad in texas. she got caught shoplifting at wal-mart. she was doing alot of dumb things, she's 16, and drugs and sex, and cleptomania was ruining her life and ours. the judge said if she left to live with her dad they wouldn't press charges.
so now the main stress is out of my mother's life, i have to look at the real issues. she's 46, smokes like a train, and a desperate overeater. she is the only overweight person in our whole family. i am so scared she will develop something horrible that will eventually kill her too soon. she is 6'ft but she weighs a staggering 300+ lbs. she is a great woman but no matter what i to explain to her, it doesn't matter, she is set on a horribly unhealthy path and even when i'm mad at her, it doesn't matter.
she and i both have chronic pain and i am wondering if anyone may have some background in this experience. it would be most appreciative and sweet just to give your honest opinions. if i get some good ones, i'll definetley show her and support her always of course.
much thanx,
mj

[CopyCat]

Hi pretty girl & welcome to FlixRay...
I see you come to us with problems... Being over weight is a big one [no pun intended]... But unless your mother is really serious about losing weight there is not a lot you, me, or anyone can do about it... I do wish I had some magical words to help your mom, but I'm afraid she needs to want to help herself first... You can do a google search on diet and there is plenty of free help for anyone willing to help themselves... So your problem is that your mom don't want to help herself... And I would say that you nagging her about it is probably only making it worse... So I guess my advice would be to leave her alone about her weight and smoking... And then maybe try to get her to exercise more... The exercise will make her feel better and feel better about herself... Then maybe in time she will accumulate enough self-confidence to take on the weight lose and smoking on her own... She will try much harder if its her idea to lose weight or quit smoking... Sorry, but thats all I got for you...

[aperio]

Some very good advice by CopyCat there... You can't make someone change habits they don't want to change. Everything your mom is doing sounds like she is "stuffing" ..ie focusing on eating, smoking etc rather than deal with some much deeper issue that she keeps stuffing down. It's the same thing as when an alcoholic picks up s a drink - it's all a form of 'self medication' so to speak.

Sounds like really what she needs is some intense therapy to figure out the root of whats really going on.

In the meantime all you can do is love and support her. Encourage her to do more activities. Sometimes if you are able to focus energy on more positive things, it starts to help choke out the negatives. Good luck and keep us posted!

[spiderpig]

She sounds like she has an addictive personality which runs in the family if your sister is any example. While you can't change her there are twelve stop programs out there to help you cope with living with/being related to/knowing someone with those types of problems. There are also programs to help you lose weight which take into account changing your mindset not just your eating habits. But if she doesn't want to change she won't. Showing her you love and support her either way will help, and looking to do healthy things with her will as well. Join a gym, take a cooking class, etc.

[snookumsnort]

Hi. I really don't have much useful advice. From my friend's experience though, it took a health scare (thank goodness it wasn't anything serious) to get her back on the health track. Hopefully it doesn't have to come to something like this for your mom. Does she listen to anyone? Maybe you can get someone she does listen to to talk to her about your concerns.