Since I have been giving a decent amount of coverage to Ashley Alexandra Dupre, it’s only fair that I report on Eliot Spitzer’s post-resignation offers. It looks like Playgirl is countering Ashley’s $1 million Hustler deal and wants the former governor to debrief (witty!) himself in a full nude photo shoot, according to their official blog:

Your political career is sadly over; and you owe a lot of money to a lot of people. Hell, you may land in jail before too long. So consider this letter a brief note of urgency.
How about making some loot back, by showing us what you saved for such a select few? How about strutting your sexuality, and defending your right to get down for the magazine and Playgirl.com?

Spitzer, old chum, I say do it. I did a shoot for Playgirl back in the day and those folks are nothing but professional. I mean, the way they called security when I showed up naked on a random set was top notch. Those guys really knew how to pry my steel grip from the stuffed polar bear I mounted in the scenery. I was going for a Grizzly Adams meets James Bond look. Unfortunately, it turned into more of a TASER beam meets testicle look. I pee sitting down now.

Here’s a short clip of Britney Spears on How I Met Your Mother. She actually does a decent job acting and I believe her character can read. I mean, ha, Britney Spears reading. Could you imagine? LFMAOCCMFGMYS! The writers also took quite a risk having Britney reference Tom Selleck. It’s a proven fact that if her feeble mind tried to comprehend the awesomeness of Magnum P.I., it would collapse upon itself. Seriously, the guy solved murders in Hawaii - with a Ferrari! The greatest minds of our generation couldn’t come up with a premise like that. Though Carl Sagan did pitch a show about a robot butler who drove a Camaro. He called it “Robot Butler in a Camaro.” Genius…

*Grammatical error intentional. Ha! Beat you to it, suckers.

Word of a Lindsay Lohan sex tape has been around for a while, but this recent pic (above) is apparently a preview clip of the video that hit the web in the past 24 hours. Gossip Rocks is saying this is the real deal:

Apparently callum sent the video (which was filmed on his cell phone) when the 2 where an item has been sent to some of his friends…which as you may have guessed have been trying to sell the video.
Anyway so i have this friend (cant say her name.) who is friends with lindsay lohan. She’s just emailed me saying that someone has sent an email to lindsay with a screen clip from the movie, and shes freaking out because she “cant remember it being filmed”.

Lindsay Lohan can’t remember something. Hmm, how out of character. I wonder if she suffers from amnesia… Wait, this just in: She’s a drunken sexbot from the planet Whore-u-tron. And there have you it. Science has spoken.

NOTE: Pic links to a super blurry but still NSFW version. If you’re confused as to what’s going on, it’s the exact same thing as the Kristin Davis photo but consists of way shittier photographic quality. I mean, it looks like Bigfoot’s drinking out of a water fountain - with testicles.

UPDATE: Victor over at The Blemish just informed me this is not Lindsay Lohan. Apparently this is a shot from a pre-existing porno that is sans the fiery nether region. Video here, way NSFW. Thanks for the heads-up, Victor, and proving my theory that it is, indeed, Bigfoot in that photo. Sexy!

People has the exclusive first photos of Jennifer Lopez’s twins Max and Emme. Holy crap, they look like babies! People editor Peter Castro stopped by Good Morning America today (video after the jump) to talk about the 8-hour-shoot. He also discussed J-Lo’s weight gain (45-50 lbs.) and the infertility rumors. However, no one talked about the Skeletor in the closet. I’m, of course, referring to Marc Anthony who is a freaking alien! C’mon! We need to do something and soon. Just last night he snuck into my house and tried to give me an anal probe.

UPDATE: False alarm! It was just my roommate looking for the Pop Tarts. I really need a new hiding place.

Thanks to trendyljm who’s name both baffles and arouses me. But mostly baffles.